Step one
Great, so you’ve decided this happiness thing might be for you, and you clicked on my blog. Thanks for coming! In this article, I will discuss how one Stoic quote helped me become a much happier person, and hopefully, the same thing can work for you.
Okay, you might be sceptical about the ‘one step’ part of my title, but there really is only one thing we need to do to be happier.
If our thoughts are constant complaints, we won’t be very happy people.
I mentioned before in my blog, that reading about stoic concepts changed my life for the better. Examining the meaning in this Marcus Aurelius quote was a huge part of that positive change. I had no idea how much of my internal dialogue where complaints.
I often sat around listing complaints in my head. Bemoaning, all of the unpleasant things I had to do that day.
Everyone does it.
What else are you supposed to do when you’re stuck in traffic, your phone dies, your dog destroyed your work shoes, your cat slept on your dry cleaning, and your husband is trying to make his lost keys, your problem?
Don’t we deserve to complain? There’s plenty to complain about.
Well, no, actually, I’ll explain. Complaining, especially in your mind, isn’t fun but it is… something. Addictive? Not cathartic. It would at least have to be out loud for that. I don’t know, but boy, do we love it. And we seem to find it comforting. It’s unfortunate that we find the familiar comforting even when it’s bad for us. Complaining might be like chocolate cake.
What I mean is, that while griping about things in our minds feels comforting at the time, it’s more destructive than we might realize. Doing this actually creates pathways in our brain that trigger negative emotions even when we’re not mentally complaining. So, if every time you think about your job, you make a list of complaints in your mind, and that causes you to become irritated, then eventually when you think of your job, you will become irritated, without even having to come up with a complaint. Your brain has made a shortcut to save you time.
Wasn’t that nice? So…
How Do We Stop Complaining?
First, we recognize what we’re doing, and then we stop. If there’s really nothing that can be done, instead of spending our time wallowing, we can just think about something else. We can decide to change our focus, recognize that these annoyances are outside of our control and let them go, instead of piling on complaint after complaint, until we’re miserable.
So, I didn’t lie about there only being one step, but you might be thinking, this does not sound easy. Well, it is, and it isn’t. It’s as easy or as hard as breaking any bad habit. It takes time, and you have to be patient with yourself, but it gets easier the more you work at it. I hope you’ll find, as I did, that just recognizing what you’re doing, is often enough.
Of course, if that isn’t enough, you can also try comparison. Often our complaints are comparisons. Other people get to work from home and never have to deal with traffic. Other people can afford better phones with longer battery lives. Other people have pets that obey them, and husbands that keep track of their own belongings.
Well, those other people probably don’t, and you can try examining your complaints for realism, that might help as well, but as far as using comparisons goes, these things work both ways. Just like thinking negatively about work can create a shortcut in your brain that makes you feel bad, thinking positively can create a shortcut that makes you feel good. And, while comparing yourself to someone you think has it better, can make you feel worse, comparing yourself to someone who has it worse, can make you feel better. I know that sounds terrible but let me explain.
All I’m really saying is, count your blessings, and be thankful for what you have. I know these sound like platitudes, and they are, but they are platitudes for a reason. If you only look at them from the surface they lose their meaning. All I’m asking you to do is try your best to imagine how your life is better than it could be. Other people may not have a job or a phone at all. They may not have animals or people to love and share their lives with. Try to zoom out, take a moment to gain perspective, and choose to be happy.
-The Loquacious Stoic
P.S. My husband is wonderful, and in fact, is always helping me find things I’ve misplaced around the house, but that didn’t really serve my point. Love you, honey.