It’s So Much Easier to Do It the Hard Way – Part Two

Woman playing tug of war

(Part Two; The Dichotomy of Control)

In part one of this series, I talked about wisdom. One of the most important uses of wisdom is understanding the Dichotomy of Control. So here it is.

Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.”

So, how is it helpful to understand that we don’t have control over anything that happens to us? Well, the goal is to ensure our happiness isn’t attached to anything outside our control. Most people spend the majority of their day agonizing about things they have no power over, making themselves miserable, and then believing the one aspect of the situation they can control, how they feel, is the only thing they can do nothing about.  

I have emotions that get all tangled up in things they shouldn’t, just like everyone else. When I do something I’m proud of, obviously I want other people to like it too. I want you to like this right now. But we could almost file that under a preferred indifferent. I can be pleased by the people enjoying my work, and at the same time, not be crushed by the people who don’t. Would I feel the same way if my house burnt down though? Would I say I was pleased to have a house, but at the same time, not crushed by having it reduced to ashes? Probably not, but that is actually what we’re striving for.

There’s Hope

The good news is, we’re not really expected to get all the way there, only to try our best. Remember the outcome is unimportant. If we always do whatever is in our control to make a situation better, we never have to be disappointed with the result. When we are able to shatter the illusion of control and embrace our fate, we become invulnerable. Nothing can affect us that doesn’t change our character, and nothing can change our character unless we allow it to do so.

No one can make us feel anything without our consent. We are in control of our emotions and reactions. No one can make us say or do anything. Our character is our own. We have absolute freedom over our minds.

Stoicism teaches us that we can, and must, rely on ourselves. That we have the tools to deal with literally any situation. Zeno, the founder of this philosophy, lost everything in a shipwreck. Epictetus was a slave 2000 years ago. Admiral James Stockdale spent seven and a half years in a Hanoi prison and wrote about it in a book called “Courage Under Fire“. They all used the power of their own mind to survive, and ultimately thrive. There are many more examples.

People have been practicing Stoicism to get through the worst horrors imaginable since the idea first showed up. There’s a great interview with holocaust survivor Dr. Edith Eger on the Daily Stoic Podcast that is incredibly moving if you want to check it out. My point is, no matter how impossible it might sound, people are capable of using their minds to overcome incredible obstacles. All of us are capable of this.

It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s an Ancient Philosophy?

Whenever the world gets overwhelming, Stoicism reappears to help us out. It’s not a coincidence. The crazier life gets, the harder it is to convince ourselves that we can control the chaos, and the more we need to understand how much we are capable of. Unfortunately, we tend to forget all about it when our world settles down again.

That’s crazy to me too. Like how the Romans had indoor plumbing, and then everybody in Europe just forgot how to do that for about ten centuries, and nobody thought, maybe we should keep some people who know how to do that aqueduct thing alive, to show us how it works.” I know it’s not as simple as that, but you get the idea.

When we focus on other things, externals, conquest, in this odd example I decided to use, and forget about what is really important to us, we always lose something. Of course, the something we’re losing here is the philosophy itself, the tools to navigate through life. We are the generations after the fall of Rome, wading in the crap, left to find our own way out, and this is the way. Radically shifting our perspective.

We might not ever be as successful as the amazing people I mentioned in this article, but every time we change the way we think, we make it easier to change the way we think next time.

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You might be noticing a trend. Stoic principles often appear dark and depressing at first, but when followed to their conclusion turn out to be exceptionally uplifting. I have two insights on this. One, I think this may be part of the reason it doesn’t stick around, most of us try to avoid thinking about things that are upsetting. Two, this is why self-help clichés always rang so hollow with me. Almost all of them are based on Stoicism by the way, but they just give you the happy message at the end and skip all the hard work it takes to get there.

Changing how we think isn’t easy, but it is within our control. If we change the way we think, we change the way we feel.  We can, if we want, feel however we like, about anything, once we have become at peace with what is within our control.

-The Loquacious Stoic

Please return for part three about the virtue of Temperance.

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